surprised man looking at computer

Pornography seems to be everywhere these days. While a person used to have to slink off to the special video store or awkwardly buy a magazine, they can now easily access any type of adult-oriented movies or images with just a few clicks online.

Unfortunately, this easy access has led to a growing number of people dealing with pornography addiction that threatens their happiness and relationships. Right now, approximately 25% of all search requests online relate to porn, which means that a whole lot of people are dealing with potential addictions but not talking about it.

The Rise of Porn Addiction

It’s not just men either, women are increasingly becoming addicted to pornography. According to Enough is Enough, 17 percent of women claim that they fit the description of being addicted, which means that any relationship could be affected by one or both partners developing an addiction to porn.

If you have discovered a pornography problem in your relationship, you need a solution. As you prepare for this important discussion, consider these strategies to make sure that your talk with your partner about porn addiction is productive.

Take Time to Think

The realization that your partner is frequently viewing porn may leave you with a variety of emotions. Depending upon your view on pornography, you may feel hurt, embarrassed or even disgusted. While you might want to confront your partner right away, it is better to deal with your emotions first. Take a moment, or even a couple of days, to think about how you truly feel about the pornography so that you go into your discussion with the right mindset.

It Is Not Your Fault

Partners sometimes blame themselves for their loved one’s addiction. Keep in mind that your partner’s compulsion to view pornography is not a reflection of your relationship. While an addiction to porn can lower your partner’s desire for sexual intimacy, it has nothing to do with how you look or perform in the bedroom. Instead, this is a separate problem, one that should be addressed for you to move forward with a healthy relationship.

Write Down Your Concerns

Once you begin talking, it can be easy to lose sight of what you want to say. As you think about how your partner’s porn addiction makes you feel, write down your list of concerns.

  • Do you feel as though this has impacted your physical attraction to each other?
  • Are you worried that someone else might find out what they are looking at, or does your partner spend the majority of their day viewing porn?

These are the types of concerns that you should bring to the table so you don’t have lingering reservations that get ignored.

Find a Good Time to Talk

Your partner’s porn viewing habits are one of the more sensitive topics that you can bring up. Therefore, choose a time to talk when you know that you have privacy. If necessary, schedule a time and day to have the conversation so it does not get put off.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Avoid opening with an accusatory statement that sets a negative tone. Instead, use open-ended questions to draw out your partner and encourage them to talk. For instance, you might start by asking your partner how he or she feels about their use of pornography, and how often they view it.

Share Your Feelings

Once your partner has shared some of their thoughts about their porn viewing habits, tell them how it makes you feel. While it’s important to be transparent about your views, be sure to keep a calm tone of voice while being honest about what the addiction is doing to your relationship.

Come To an Agreement

Try to work toward reaching a resolution as you move through the conversation. For example, you need to know that your partner will stop lying about their habits. Your partner may also need professional treatment to address their addiction. Be firm about what you want, and consider seeking counseling if you cannot reach an agreement together.

Pornography addiction can slowly erode your relationship if you do not take action. If you are unhappy with your partner’s viewing habits, then talk to them about it. You should also be aware that counseling is available to help one or both of you learn how to manage the condition so that you can renew the happiness and trust that you expect in a relationship.

Are you worried porn addiction has gotten out of hand and is deteriorating the relationship?  Contact me today to discuss your concerns.

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