Pornography seems to be everywhere these days. While a person used to have to slink off to the special video store or awkwardly buy a magazine, they can now easily access any type of adult-oriented movies or images with just a few clicks online.
Unfortunately, this easy access has led to a growing number of people dealing with pornography addiction that threatens their happiness and relationships. Right now, approximately 25% of all search requests online relate to porn, which means that a whole lot of people are dealing with potential addictions but not talking about it.
The Rise of Porn Addiction
It’s not just men either, women are increasingly becoming addicted to pornography. According to Enough is Enough, 17 percent of women claim that they fit the description of being addicted, which means that any relationship could be affected by one or both partners developing an addiction to porn.
If you have discovered a pornography problem in your relationship, you need a solution. As you prepare for this important discussion, consider these strategies to make sure that your talk with your partner about porn addiction is productive.
Take Time to Think
The realization that your partner is frequently viewing porn may leave you with a variety of emotions. Depending upon your view on pornography, you may feel hurt, embarrassed or even disgusted. While you might want to confront your partner right away, it is better to deal with your emotions first. Take a moment, or even a couple of days, to think about how you truly feel about the pornography so that you go into your discussion with the right mindset.
It Is Not Your Fault
Partners sometimes blame themselves for their loved one’s addiction. Keep in mind that your partner’s compulsion to view pornography is not a reflection of your relationship. While an addiction to porn can lower your partner’s desire for sexual intimacy, it has nothing to do with how you look or perform in the bedroom. Instead, this is a separate problem, one that should be addressed for you to move forward with a healthy relationship.
Write Down Your Concerns
Once you begin talking, it can be easy to lose sight of what you want to say. As you think about how your partner’s porn addiction makes you feel, write down your list of concerns.
- Do you feel as though this has impacted your physical attraction to each other?
- Are you worried that someone else might find out what they are looking at, or does your partner spend the majority of their day viewing porn?
These are the types of concerns that you should bring to the table so you don’t have lingering reservations that get ignored.
Find a Good Time to Talk
Your partner’s porn viewing habits are one of the more sensitive topics that you can bring up. Therefore, choose a time to talk when you know that you have privacy. If necessary, schedule a time and day to have the conversation so it does not get put off.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Avoid opening with an accusatory statement that sets a negative tone. Instead, use open-ended questions to draw out your partner and encourage them to talk. For instance, you might start by asking your partner how he or she feels about their use of pornography, and how often they view it.
Share Your Feelings
Once your partner has shared some of their thoughts about their porn viewing habits, tell them how it makes you feel. While it’s important to be transparent about your views, be sure to keep a calm tone of voice while being honest about what the addiction is doing to your relationship.
Come To an Agreement
Try to work toward reaching a resolution as you move through the conversation. For example, you need to know that your partner will stop lying about their habits. Your partner may also need professional treatment to address their addiction. Be firm about what you want, and consider seeking counseling if you cannot reach an agreement together.
Pornography addiction can slowly erode your relationship if you do not take action. If you are unhappy with your partner’s viewing habits, then talk to them about it. You should also be aware that counseling is available to help one or both of you learn how to manage the condition so that you can renew the happiness and trust that you expect in a relationship.
Are you worried porn addiction has gotten out of hand and is deteriorating the relationship? Contact me today to discuss your concerns.
My husband is addicted to porn, he doesn’t wanna talk about ! Now is to late , is been watching porn for 15 yrs. we’re talking about divorce.
Wow just seen your post and it’s 2023
I got same problem
Cannot believe what a devious creep mine is
Thing is we love them right
I have worked 42 years to get the house of my dreams if I leave him
I lose half
I don’t
Articulate,y want to leave him but I’m so miserable
I find myself watching his deviousness every time he is home
I have become obsessed with his addiction
Mine has been watching it for over 15 years too. I had an angel come to me one day when he left for work and I went through his laptop and saw must how degrading he was toward women. My mouth dropped. He not only looks at porn in raping pawn shops , taxis , and incest, but he also reads sex stories, and is addicted to cyber sex. I told him all my addictions and flaws on the first date. He stuck around and never made a move or acted like he wanted sex and then when I was ready 5 months later he got quiet and didn’t respond. I got in the shower and he stayed in the room naked waiting on me. It was weird. He has only had 7 sex partners and hes 30. He would watch porn before he made a move and was usually at work when he did it. The talking to random women sexually and sending vids and pics back and forth is what pissed me off. I changed my mindset about porn because I knew there was no hope in changing this problem and so I sacrificed and would still find many girls of different sizes and hair colors all in his phone. I left him july of this year but I have three kids with him. He hasn’t came around or seen them in over a month. Literally will have sex with me and then stop talking to me. Hangs up the phone a million times. Honestly I am trying to move on with my life. He is a sociopath and I was his victim. It was hard to get out but I did and I’m thankful. Emotional and mental abuse everyday. Never got told I was beautiful unless I asked. No affection, no cuddling. No trust and no communication. Just gas lighting me.
I’m feeling completely lost. Looking for articles and advice on what to do, I came upon your post and it’s like your describing my life… exactly. I just need the strength to move on, but thank you for making me realize I am not alone and it is emotional and mental abuse their putting us through. So, thank you
Well, uh. Thank goodness that angel showed up. That’s really very lucky. The angel showing up. Who knows what would have happened were it not for the angel that showed up. I wonder if it was a pornographic material addiction specialist angel, or if it was just a generalist angel. Maybe it was, like, a human trafficking angel, and you know, since all the human trafficking has been completely put to an end…by angels, obv…he had some free time and decided to moonlight in the pornography addiction segment and…showed up. And then, BOOM, angel, so you’re good now. So glad about how there’s angels. Making a positive difference, one show up at a time.
I feel the exact way my partner is like this but I feel like he uses my real life body to have sex with when he’s viewed porn online. What surprises me is your partner sounds exactly same as mine. He seems to have no fixed standard as in any woman is treated the same. Every female he degrades or begs for naked photos. He has no preference which means he’s only aroused by everyone which means no woman is off bounds this is the hardest part for me because I think an old lady online and he will be looking or a younger girl and hes oggling them.. makes me so confused and upset as a woman that he looks at every variety so now I just feel so inadequate and I’ve just had his baby daughter a month ago. His addiction is interfering with him being a good dad and his search history shows every spare second he is indulging in his urges. Must be a quick flick through online but up to 100 times a day. Its impulsive and don’t think we can sort things out with just communication alone.currently he says he’s gone q days without and I’ve checked his phone but he could be deleting the history..so constant battle stage. Hating all this. Wished porn never existed in the first place. Its not healthy for mens mental health or their poor partner left at home with anxiety and depression too.
I have a fiance for two years now. we got engage at 1 year before two year. now, i feel that i should just walk away. i cant trust him being around my teen. i was giving it a chance but we dont leave together and none of his family dont know what he does. he’s got all teen nieces. I have wonder to reach out to his sisters he leave with. would that be best idea?I am about to just walk away. my feeling is changing i did love him.
I’m so sorry. I know how that can hurt. I work alot to make ends meet. Been through alot also. I go to work to make ends meet came home to get in my pajamas. Only to find, my husband left his prize on my pajama shirt I confronted him about it. His answer was he didnt know what it was. Then after digging in his tablet I found he was on xhamster. Of course he denies everything. After wanting intimacy when I came home only to find he already fulfilled his needs by porn. Makes me feel disappointed and hurt. How can he do this to me. I’m seriously thinking about cutting off the internet. He hurts me this way and now I’m mad and dont want to talk to.him after what he did. He really needs to stop before he loses me. We hadn’t had sex in 3 weeks which is unusual. I guess I know where he fulfills his needs. I’m really mad and hurt.
I have been with my husband for 7 years! Since the first year we got together he started with his addictions. He promised he would stop. It has gotten to the point we’re he wake up every morning before work just to get off on porn. I have asked him what I can do to help him. I have even done crazy things In bed to please him. But it’s not enough for him. It has made me insecure about myself now.. it to the point where I’m asking for a divorce I can not compare with these lien website.
Been with my husband for nearly 40 years and 7 years ago he told me had been watching porn for amny years. Not sure what ‘many’ amounts to – more than 10 years or what? However, when I thought about it things started to fall into place and I realise that our sex life was being dictated by what he watched on his phone or tablet. I donot like to watch porn as I think some of it is disgusting and is harmful. I feel sed and abused and I am not sure what to do right now with my life.
I’ve been married 23 years, I new my husband looked at porn before we got married but I was only 19 so thought marriage would end it, boy was I wrong, it just got worst over the years and he always blamed me and my way of thinking about it. It’s effected our relationship where I don’t feel there’s intimacy which he apparently doesn’t even know what the word means. I never get cuddles, and has only learnt to kiss in the last 6 months after I moved back in after a 3 month separation. I moved back in as he said he would stop and get help, once again I believed him. It’s bloody hard to get a therapist in nz, and he attended counseling for 10 days over 10 weeks but feel like the subject wasn’t even mentioned. He gets angry or verbal when he’s confronted and doesn’t even show any me like he actually cares how it makes me feel. I suffer anxiety and depression and suffer pain in the side of my face when things are bad, i have been open and honest about everything yet he won’t even express or say anything on the topic in return he just gets nasty. I’m so frustrated I keep giving him chances only to be making my self sick, I can’t go to work without the worry of him helping his needs even after I have just gotten out of bed I’ve walked in on him. He knows how I feel and it’s effecting my young adult children as well, 2 out of the 3 suffer major anxiety and depression and have done self harm where it’s said to be attention seeking. My son is 18 and in a real bad way, not just because of this but also walking in on his ex girlfriend giving another guy a blow job. I seriously just want to pack up and leave I don’t feel love like I want it even though he says he does but never shows it apart from when his money is used as a bribe. We have spent the last 8 months emailing therapist but none ever have phone numbers always email and never get a reply. I don’t know if he’s actually reached out but I have and still nothing. I attend gym as I have had weight issues due to depression and using it as a way to get him to stop coming to me in the pass for sex as I feel so hurt and grossed out at the thought of him touching me at times.I’m not over weight and have been referred to as a hot mum, I see myself as fat when I look in the mirror. I always doubt myself and struggle to make decisions as he use to alway be a dictator. This is a messy email as he’s been wondering what I’m doing so am trying to type what effects his addiction has on me and his family. His own family support him as he’s made them think it’s not that bad it’s just me making it sound worst. They don’t even reply to me when I’ve reached out for help. I’m lost lonely and heartbroken. I’m over having anxiety due to his habits . I just don’t know how else to get him help he stops trying when he gets no response from therapist he says he’s contacted. I know I can’t make him but was hoping he would be made accountable for the verbal and emotional abuse me and my family have endured .