1. Join up– Appease or Relieve the presenting symptoms. Narcissists do not enter into a solution focused family intensive with the goal of self-reflection or changing any of their behaviors.
  2. Family Mapping– I find that family mapping can be so helpful and ultimately healing. I always start by interviewing family members individually and then sharing and showing. Start with the person who has been identified as having NPD. They love the attention and it gets them engaged.
  3. Teach the Karpman Triangle– This schema allows all family members to be curious.
  4. Learn about the present- What are their hopes for today? Do that with the whole family. Stay in the present. No future tripping or back stepping.
  5. Identify Coping Patterns– These are the survival patterns one learned from early childhood experiences. At this point, this is where the family mapping can be so helpful. Now you can go back with a curious eye, and see what happened. This is easy to navigate as the person is blameless and can be free of guilt or shame.
  6. Look at how the family relates– what role everyone assumes.
  7. Have everyone, including the identified narcissist, examine how they impact one another without shame or guilt. This may well dimmish their need for grandiosity to know everything, and they can begin to consider that the idea of considering others can actually benefit them and serve their purpose.
  8. Revisiting the past with kindness– Inner Child Work. Everyone has an inner child. Have the family both individually, and in a group, find their inner child- Name that child, and then, learn as an adult how to take care of your inner child. This is a stepstone to success.
  9. Nurturing Empathy for Others – Once someone understands and can look at their own pain, they can turn their gaze outward and see how they may have caused others pain, and more importantly, they can begin to expand their ability to relate to others.
  10. Empowering authenticity – The work of solution focused coaching is to empower a new sense of joy in the narcissist and their family. Together, a new seed of understanding and being is created, where all will have the opportunity to thrive.