When I think about holidays, I ask myself: who is important to me and how do I wish to spend my time and with whom do I want to spend my time?
Just stop and think how many messages do you get each day — voicemails, emails, texts, DMs. There just aren’t enough hours in the day to manage all. So in the end we must prioritize with whom we want to spend our time.
Recently I read an article by Sara Kubrick who is also a therapist who suggests there are 6 types of people we should keep close.
- People who tell the truth – Having folks around us who tell the truth. Honesty is not about just not lying. It’s about having people around us who can tell the truth even when we don’t want to hear it yet need to. It’s important to have people call us out when we are wrong or heading down a bad path, leading us to a destination we don’t want to go.
- People that encourage and support you – They are your cheerleaders who are as happy about your wins as they are their own. Folks that surprise you with that extra bit of positivity and specialness.
- People who make space for your emotions – You know the folks who will let you share. Folks who will not try and remedy whatever your pain is, yet will sit and listen to you quietly as you navigate your pain.
- Folks who model qualities you admire – Have you ever said I want to be just like my friend? They have such a special way of doing things. It’s great to have mentors who encourage you.
- People who show up authentically – Keep people around you who showed up authentically. They will not only make space and encourage you to do the same, but they will be a safe space for you and will show up for you. Having a community that is authentic will promote vulnerability and transparency. Folks in recovery find that thru their self-help groups. Others create that in their community.
- People who understand and accept you no matter what – They will make a safe space for you and encourage you to do the same. They accept you for who you are not who you pretend to be. You deserve to be with people who will not just let you in but encourage you to be just that.
Take a moment and think about 5 people who take up most of your time. Now think about the top 10 people you like spending time with. What traits and qualities do you want? Are there people on your list that shouldn’t be there? Don’t be afraid to make tough choices to change your life for the better.
Let me know what you come up with, as I know I am doing the same.
Dr Louise your posts are awesome! A recipe book of advice all by themselves. I had the privilege of talking with Shane for a short time almost a year ago or more regarding our situation with our oldest adult son. Unfortunately we weren’t able to retain your services. But the conversation I had and watching and listening to your post and videos have been by far some of the most enriching and educational support I’ve had. I just want to say thank you for all you do to put out such information… it’s invaluable to us readers who are working through our circumstances. Thank you and Happy Holidays~ Crystal from Tacoma, WA